By Dryad
Dear friends and readers,
This is different from many of the stories you’ve seen me write. It is more or less true (names and places have been changed to protect …well, ME). I had my first real boyfriend when I was 14, and a sophomore in high school. I began my diary. Told it more than just my dating quandaries, but filled with all sorts of teenage angst and melodramatics. (and looking back, I could be incredibly melodramatic). The diary ended about a month before my wedding, so I guess you really could call this the Dating Diary.
Why post my pathetic diary? Easy. While I realize many of us write in fantasy, I’m tired of 14/16 year olds thinking like 30 year olds. Realism Folks! And what’s more real than an actual diary? In some respects the writing sucks. I have changed nothing but actual names. Thought about elaborating, but then, you’d get my near 30 year brain in places it doesn’t belong. This is what it is.
The basics, however, still apply. This is my work, (for better or worse) is copyrighted by me, and no posting without my prior permission. Celeste’s blow job principle is still in action guys. This may or may not include adult situations, so if you’re not allowed to watch a nc-17 movie, scram. All other enjoy (or not *shrug *).
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Dating Diary 1988 part 2
By Dryad
Dear Diary, 10/24/88
I asked Chris today the usual question when I see him-“Est ce que tu amore moi?” He wouldn’t answer, so I kept pushing. Finally he said no, that he liked me but It wouldn’t work romantically. He was worried about me being depressed. Right, now I’m either in shock, or I didn’t care in the first place. For some reason, I knew he really didn’t care- now I truly believe in that line in the song I wrote:
“I’ve given up on love now/ it causes too much pain.” I wrote another line to another song- “my heart’s been broken so many times/ it’s falling apart”
Why can’t my heart just leave my body? That way I wouldn’t hurt. For some reason, I was really mad (before he told me) and he told me he better not tell me (naturally I assumed the worst) I got even madder. He told me I shouldn’t assume yet, I was right.
How does a broken heart feel? It seems to me to be a dull ache inside. We came home instead of going straight from work. I’m drowning and no one will save me! I can’t cry until I go to bed. I should get an academy award for what I am about to do. My family isn’t going to know. I am going to ask Chris as a favor to a friend to help me cover it up. I hope he does. I’ve gotta go now. I’ll write tonight. I know what this is- I had a dream, and now I’m waking up. Only thing is it was too real- so it still hurts. I wrote before that love is like a roller coaster. Yeah, but mine came to a stop after turning my world upside down {Dryad note: Egad, did I really write this drivel??}
Can you believe this? Here I am at Diamond mall writing this? I got so bad I couldn’t even shop! Finally I called Chris, from here!
I’m back home now. I called Chris. I told him there were 2 ways to go. Either we are just friends, or if there is a chance of romance, go as we have been. We both agreed our minds were too foggy (due to the late hour) to decide. (not to mention, he was downstairs) I told him I didn’t know what I wanted. I would like to go on the way we have, but not if there isn’t a change for me. It wouldn’t be fair to me to keep me dangling. I’m really zonked. Gotta go. Bye bye.
Dear Diary, 10/30/88
Chris never called me. Right now I don’t expect he’ll ever call.
Sasha came over today. She said something about keeping work and personal life separate. Linc noticed how I jumped (as he said, 5ft) when he came into the office during break. He asked Sasha how he should bring it up and Sasha told him she’d handle it. I told her be probably wouldn’t have to worry about it much longer. Therefore she is the only one besides Chris who knows about what happened. You are the only one, Diary, who knows everything though. So much for my love life! Who needs it? I’m going to become a hermit and live by myself. (idea- Crista says that Seth wants to be a hermit too.) I’m through with love- I’m not touching unless someone throws themselves at me. (besides Rod, heaven forbid) I’m going to be a writer; a best selling writer and everyone will die for me just to shake my hand! There, I fixed that! Chris said I had talent. I’ll make him wish he never said no! yeah, I’m hurt. I’m sick of the whole damned human race!
This is a song I wrote:
The memory of his kiss
Is still fresh in my mind
The las words he said
The feeling of his hand in mine
But now he’s gone
And I don’t know if I can go on.
Chorus: why did he leave?
Why did I say goodbye?
I loved him
But I let him go.
Now I’m the one that’s hurting
And he’s the one that’s gone away.
I put a padlock on my heart
He pried it open and crawled inside
I felt without knowing
I gave without caring
If my love was going to be returned.
(repeat chorus)
I ought to be used to this by now
My hearts been broken so many times
Its falling apart
Now I cry nearly every night
Especially when I see a picture of him.
(repeat chorus)
(repeat first verse)
I feel better now diary-writing songs usually has that effect on me. So does sleepyness, which is why I’m gonna stop here. Night!
Dear Diary, 10/31/88
Halloween! Tonight I was Odin, King of the Norse Gods. Mom and dad got mad, because I used so much powder in my hair. Chris still hasn’t called. I called him Wednesday since tomorrow is Katie and Dad’s birthday. 6 months (I think) and I finally got my period (unfortunately) I’ve got homework; bye.
Dear Diary, 11/1/88
It’s Katie and dad’s birthday. I got really bad in school today. I nearly cried in study and I when I saw that boy that looks like Chris. I hate myself for feeling so depressed but I can’t help it.
I really like Mr. Cloog. He’s a teacher I can relate to. I still have my period I Hate it. I’m going to bed now, night!
Dear Diary, 11/2/88
Chris still hasn’t called-I didn’t have time between trying to finish everything (Friday’s the last day of the marking period) Melissa asked me again about working on the stage crew. I told her who lived near me, and who to ask for a ride for me. She was supposed to call me, but she hasn’t.
My room’s cleaner-I did all my regular homework and part of my makeup work. I made apple and rose potpourri. It ought to be done by Christmas. (ripening time) I’ve gotta go to bed.
P.S. Katie said she read you!!
Dear Diary, 11/3/88
My room is clean, and Deirdre can give me a ride.
I called Chris today. He was in the shower so he called me back. He said to him, boyfriend and girlfriend meant love and if we went on as we were we would be so we ruled that out.
At least that ‘s cleared up. Now maybe my heart will mend. I really feel terrible (about this)
How long does it take to fall out of love? I’ll tell you when I find out.
Why can’t I just cry and get it all out? Everytime I hear “addicted” “I know how he feels” see the boy who looks like Chris or such instance as what Mr. Cloog said today makes me almost but never have.
Oh yeah, Mr. Cloog was talking about a word meaning Rejection; he says something on the idea of “your boyfriend tells you he doesn’t want to go out with you anymore.” I nearly screamed. I’m another Julliet on the stage of life, and my romeo doesn’t care. I have to start something else or I’ll just wither away into the woodwork and die. I’ve gotta go to bed now.
Dear diary, 11/4/88
…End of the part1. To be continued..
Title: Dating Diary 1988 part 2
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Added on: January 19th, 2009
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